What Is It?

January is Thyroid awareness month. Do yourself a favor and get your thyroid checked.  It doesn’t matter what gender you are, anyone can be affected by it. Don’t take your health for granted. The sooner you know, the better.

And here’s why,

(continued from last post)

Waiting for the next two weeks was absolute hell. I wouldn’t have wished it upon my greatest enemy. My mother finally came back from vacation and I hoped that it would ease my mind a bit more, but it turned out to be bigger than that. Honestly I can’t remember how everything started, but I know that the pain was slow and I thought I was going to die. I know for a fact, I stopped eating, I was so nauseous all the time so I just decided to stop eating. When I did eat, I felt more sick. I got sicker eating eggs, dairy, and anything oily. It was disappointing because I love eating eggs, I can eat them for every meal of the day. It was even worse with dairy because it’s very hard to avoid that in everyday foods, but I had to. I was heartbroken because food is one of my comforts, and I couldn't eat. It made me emotional that I couldn't eat, and that was the start of it. 

If I was depressed I didn’t know it yet, if I was having a panic attack, I didn’t understand it, if my anxiety was acting up, I couldn't explain it. I honestly thought that I was just acting up and I was "overreacting". I have a tendency to be "overly emotional" about things (so my family says). But this was another level of emotional. I have a big imagination and I overthink everything. I have always lived in my head and worked things out to the greatest extent, its literally the worst feeling. So when I went through these feelings, I thought I was going mad. I always let people run me over and I let the ghost of them haunt me.

I heard off on telling people, especially family, because, once again they were going to tell me that I should just get over myself. My family was always good at telling me how to feel and how easy it is not to be sad. I was always told that my feelings never mattered. They were good at telling me that I didn't matter.

At that time, I was obsessed with social media, I followed other people and grew jealous because I wanted to be like them. I wanted to be happy and I wanted to go out and do things. I wanted to go on cute dates with my husband and I wanted to travel. But I couldn't bring myself to get out of bed. I let go of social media at that time because it started to hurt me even more, and I started to blame myself for not being happy enough. My husband was worried enough for me, but this made it worse. I was emotional all the time and it hurt him to see me like that.

I didn’t know that I was actually sick. I was actually depressed.

I remember September 1st very well, it was Eid (Islamic Holiday) and a very hectic day, I woke up that morning very early to go to prayer, then I went straight to my six-hour chemistry class. That same night we had a tickets to go see OneRepublic Live in Concert at the Mattress Firm Amphitheater. I was super nervous to go, but it ended up being very helpful for the moment. For the first time in a month, I felt okay.

I couldn’t wait for my doctors appointment those next few days. 

On Wednesday, September 6th, I woke up in the morning and i felt some kind of relief wash over me. I usually go to the doctors' with my mom, but this time I just wanted to rip off the bandage and get over myself. So that is what happened. I wanted to know if I was crazy by myself, I didn't need anyone to make fun of me for it. 

When I got to the doctors office, I checked in and sat down. I started to get sweaty palms and I started to get queasy. I wanted to run out the door and never look back, but then I got called in. 

The checkup was very routine, got weighed, they checked my height, and then I was directed into my room. The Nurse checked my blood pressure and asked me about my concerns. I told her about the bumps that I felt around my leg area, and she checked them out. Then she told me to get undressed and handed me a blue paper dress to wear. I did as she said. When the nurse practitioner came in, she was very kind about everything and was very quick. I don't know why, but I held back from telling her that I have nausea all the time and sometimes I couldn't breathe. I thought that I was just being me. I thought they were normal mood swings. I was bullied for this kind of thing when I was in elementary school so I learned how to suppress my feelings for another time.

The practitioner told me to get blood work done, so that’s what I did later that day.